


Stay

by Birdgirl90



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 05:01:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6270565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Birdgirl90/pseuds/Birdgirl90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Kaz wonders why the hell he stays.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there loves!
> 
> I was going through my fics on my drive and found this one that I had forgotten I'd written.  
> Have some nice fluffy Ocelhira. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~Birdie

Kazuhira Miller leans over the railing on Mother Base, staring aimlessly into the dark tumultuous waves below.  He’s been out on this secluded platform for over an hour, trying to escape the noise and chaos below.  Some days he can handle the rushing - the recruits who always need something, Ocelot sauntering into his office, Venom with mission briefings.  Those are the days he can lose himself in everything, the buzzing in his head silenced by what needs to be done.  But other days...Other days it’s so much harder, the aches and painful thoughts nearly overwhelming him.

Sometimes Kaz wonders why he stays.  After all, even Boss couldn’t be bothered to stay, so why should he?  But then he wonders where he’d go and what he’d do, and with an angry sigh throws his pen on his desk.  Everyone around thinks his paranoia and desire for revenge fuel him, and he’s happy to let them keep thinking that.  It was true, for a while; he really did want revenge - and he still does, doesn’t he? - but after a while it started to feel hollow.  Sometimes, like tonight, he really does wonder if it’s all worth it.

Kaz scowls again at the waves.  He’s still got his aviators on despite the sun setting nearly a full hour before; they give the moonlight a hazy sienna tint.  After so many years on this rig in the ocean, he can smell the weather before it gets in - there’s going to be rain tomorrow, just in time for Venom’s next mission.  Another lovely thing to deal with.

“You just gonna keep standing there all night, Miller?”

Kaz looks over his shoulder at the Russian cowboy, red scarf blowing in the breeze as he slowly makes his way over.  He’d been so lost in thought he hadn’t heard the spurs across the hollow platform.  Ocelot leans on the rail next to him.

“So what if I am?” Kaz snaps, frustrated and tired and so sick of everyone questioning his movements and thoughts and -

“Nice night.”

Ocelot’s voice interrupts Kaz’s whirlwind.  He’s got a low lilt, something comforting and calm, and Kaz wants so badly to hate him for it, to hate how it makes him feel as if he’s okay and safe, even with those two words.  He glances out of the corner of his eye; the silver haired man beside him leans on his forearms, hands together, face turned towards the sky.  He’s wearing a serene mask, but Kaz knows well enough at this point that everyone on this base wears masks most of the time.  Vulnerability is a dangerous thing on Mother Base.

“Why do we bother?”

The words fall from Kaz before he has a chance to stop them.  He hates himself for being so open, for being so exposed in this moment.  Ocelot doesn’t look at him but instead keeps looking at the sky, his long nose silhouetted in the light, a bemused look on his face.  Kaz sees something flicker in his grey eyes, a moment of uncertainty quickly smothered.  He doesn’t know why, but it makes his stomach dip - maybe it’s the knowledge that even someone as committed and veiled as Ocelot questions sometimes.

“We do it for the Boss,” Ocelot says quietly as he finally looks at Kaz.  “Even if we don’t understand why.  It’s because it needs to be done.”

“Fuck the Boss,” Kaz snarls, frustration and anger boiling in him.  “Fuck him and fuck me for ever thinking this would work.  Fuck him for leaving.  And fuck me for staying.”

“Kaz.”

Ocelot lays a red gloved hand on Kaz’s arm.  Kaz looks at the hand on him, his heart thrumming in a way he would never admit to anyone, then looks at the Russian beside him.  Ocelot’s eyeing him softly, not with pity but with understanding, one that seems to go through him.

“It’s okay,” he tells Kaz quietly, the usual picking that he shoves at Kaz daily gone.  “Be mad at the Boss.  It’s an unfair situation, and you are completely in your right to be upset.  But don’t…”

He trails off and Kaz suddenly needs to hear what he was going to say.  He chews his lip for a moment, painfully aware of how dry his mouth is.

“But what?”

His voice is low and the moments of silence pass thickly.

“Don’t leave.”

The vulnerability in Ocelot’s voice mirrored with the flush on his face make Kaz burn inside with a need he didn’t even know he had.  He turns so his body can press into Ocelot’s, dropping his crutch to wrap his fingers around the red leather glove.  Something flashes across the grey eyes in front of him, and they both feel it, the inevitable, the spark that’s been growing over the months.

Ocelot moves and covers Kaz’s mouth with his own.  Kaz sighs and lets himself enjoy the moment for once and the feeling of needing and being needed.  Arms wrap briefly around each other as they stay like that, locked, for what feels like an eternity, kisses and sighs above the turbulent ocean.  When they finally break apart, the lingering taste of peppermint and coffee remain in Kaz’s mouth.  They look at each other for a moment.

“Besides,” Ocelot says with a smirk, “Who else is going to do all that god awful paperwork if you’re gone?”

Kaz whacks him once across the head before grabbing his crutch again.  Ocelot gives a small chuckle.

“Smartass,” Kaz mutters, though the grin on his face betrays him.

He shakes his head as he walks beside Ocelot down the platform stairs into the main base.  

Maybe he knew all along why he stays.


End file.
